Writing isn't easy

I'm not sure where I picked it up but I had a belief that if you had a talent for something, then it should come easily to you. If you were good at art, then drawing well and finding things to draw would be a snitch. You'd sit down at your easel and knock off sketches and pictures feeling happy and joyful because you were doing something you loved and were good at. The energy would be high and you'd be really productive and you'd always want to do art instead of everything else.

Sometimes writing's like that. But more often than not it's really hard work. It's a struggle to get anything down on the page, nevermind something good. It's hard to say what I really want to say while making my characters come alive. What's on the page rarely seems as vibrant and solid as what's in my head.

Does that then mean that if I find writing hard sometimes, that I'm not very good at it? And if I'm not good at it, then do I have to give up on my dream?

It's not that simple. I also have beliefs around needing to work hard to get something I want, in order to deserve it. I have beliefs around not being good enough, in general, for anything. And I'm self-sabotaging and have poor self-regulation. But you know what? I know all this stuff and therefore I can make it work for me rather than against me.

I'm going to write this on a piece of paper and stick it up over my monitor.

"Sometimes writing comes really easily and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes what I've written is good and sometimes it isn't. These things are not related."

Sometimes when the writing flows, what I produce is great and sometimes it isn't. The same is true when I really have to grind it out. The same is true for rewriting. Sometimes I immediately hit on exactly what I want and sometimes it takes me an hour to get a sentence right. Sometimes I let the resistance and fear discourage me but I'm working on that.